New Moon Reactions
Nov. 22nd, 2009 10:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alliancesjr...man, I'm getting major use of the Sparklebishy icon.
Tessa and I managed to catch an early showing of New Moon, against our will. I had to, for the show (which records in an hour and a half), and I wasn't going to see it alone, so I did some serious scrambling (which I will not get into here) and finally was able to make it work. Although it was REALLY DIFFICULT to do so. It shouldn't be so hard to get to see a movie that I didn't want to see in the first goddamned place..
ANYWAY. Reactions are spoilerlicious, I guess. These are not edited in any way; these are notes I jotted down right then and there while I was watching it.
I will note that I was spoiled a bit by Dayna's reactions, so there may be some joke sharing.
hahaha scrapbook
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLADIES
*jaaaaaaames deeeeeean*
Oh, Bella. You and your cradle-robbing creature-of-the-night boyfriend WAIT THAT'S BEEN DONE ALREADY.
...Hello Biceps?
WISTFUL CULLEN FACE.
HEY CULLEN LOOK AT ME HUGGING YOUR GIRL.
dick
PUTZ
ALICE YAY. "Guess what? YOU LOVE IT. You're going to wear it tonight."
...it's actually kind of funny. I'm laughing. "You can't trust vampires. Trust me."
OH ERIC. Only real men cry.
I'm half expecting Edward to say "That's not accurate. I should know, I was there, and Bill Shakespeare didn't write that."
"Hey, Bella, check out all the ways you could die. ISN'T THIS ROMANTIC?"
Edward has his own Shakespeare Reciting Music. That's really useful, actually; I'd like that Vampire Power.
...SOMEBODY BROUGHT A BABY TO THIS MOVIE. A BABY. WHAT THE HELL.
Oooh. The Cullen Family has Wizarding portraits. ...with The Godfather music.
Vampires crack up when they die, I guess.
IT IS YOUR JOB TO PROTECT HER, EDWARD. Because you've been doing such a crack-up job at that so far. *coughJamescough*
...OH GROWING UP CULLEN! EMMETT.
Tessa: "It's awesome that this movie has a laugh track."
BAD JASPER. RUB YOUR FACE IN IT.
Aaaand Bella's now bleeding in a house full of vampires. THIS IS GOING TO END WELL.
Being a doctor gives Carlisle a happy. I'm not sure this is appropriate for the younger audiences in this theater.
Damnit, Dayna already made an Orb of Thesula joke. YOU TAKE AWAY HIS SOUL, BELLA. I bet that makes you feel like such a vamp---HEY.
KILL ME, EDWARD. KILL ME SO IT CAN BE ROMANTIC. I WANT YOU TO KILL ME. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM WHY WON'T YOU JUST GO CRAZY AND DRINK THE BLOOD OF MY LIVING, BREATHING HEART.
SADFACE BELLA.
With the POWER OF MONTAGE, Bella reconstructs half the contents of Teenage America's sock drawers. NOTHING BUT PICTURES OF EDWARD CULLEN. Well, one picture.
You don't belong in his world, Bella. Because you're such a klutz that you're going to bleed all over the place anyway. IT'S NOT ME, IT IS YOU, YOU EXSANGUINATING BITCH. GOD I CAN'T STAND THE SIGHT OF YOUR PALE HUMAN FACE ANY LONGER GET THE FUCK OUT. Oh, and don't be reckless.
You're never going to see me again I am just going to disappear without a trace BUT FIRST LET ME PUT A GIANT VAMPIRE HICKEY ON YOUR FOREHEAD SO THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER ME WHEN YOU ARE BUYING HATS.
I get it. She's falling down BECAUSE SHE IS SO CRUSHED. This is so artistic.
Shirtless Man has saved Bella! Thank you, Shirtless Man! But now you must away to fight other crimes that are SPECIFICALLY TAILORED (specifically taylored hur hur) to your Power of No Shirtedness.
Aaaaaand the spinning montage of time passing. Montaaaage, montaaaage, there's a montaaaaaaaaage with a wagon full of pancaaaaaaaaakes.
...Bella's internal Montagealogue is kind of like this one Chicago song. "If you leave, you'll take away the biggest part of me. Ooh ooh ooh ooh, baby please don't go."
THANK YOU, CHARLIE.
Charlie's like the funniest character in this whole movie. I love him.
...I've had this "sociological aspects of zombie movies" conversation before.
...HallucinaCullen!
"Hi. What do you want? Ride on my phallucycle? That rocks."
"You are one crazy bitch, you know that? I like that in a woman."
"If a rush of danger is what it takes to see Edward, I guess I'll take up chainsaw juggling. JACOB HELP ME GET CHAINSAWS READY FOR JUGGLING."
BUFF JACOB WHAT. Although he's pretty funny.
Tessa: "That 'age is just a number baby' line is totally a pedophile pickup line."
Me: "Which is hilarious because he's the one who's underage."
BACKPEDAL HARDER, JACOB.
"God, Jacob, you punch like a wolf."
"Dear Alice, let me tell you about how I'm totally using this boy to make me feel better. Isn't that awesome?"
Tessa: "Charlie is like the most patient dad in the world."
Me: "Too bad he has to put up with Bella."
Charlie Swan: Famous Ladies' Man. I want to be watching that movie now, instead of this one.
Shirtless Water Jumping Woo! Cliff diving requires no shirts. TAKE A HINT, BELLA.
"Sam keeps looking at me like he's waiting for me to like, burst into fur or something."
Edward Cullen Milestones. Now coming to a tiny Washington town near you.
"Bella!" "Don't!" "Do!" "This!" "Echo echo echo echo echo!"
...the amount of wolf whistles when Jacob takes off his shirt is disturbing. Or: WOLF WHISTLING AMIRITE
"You're so beautiful." "How hard did you hit your head?" Jacob needs his own movie away from this franchise.
Forks Police can't bear to find the killers. It's a grizzly state of affairs. City Council is polarized by this. They're thinking of putting up a Dang-ur sine down the --ow. (This is where Tessa hit me.)
FACE PUNCH. THE MOST AWESOME MOVIE TITLE IN THE WORLD.
"Do you guys want to go see Face Punch?" YES PLEASE.
"Bella's buying my ticket for me." You bad influence you, Bella.
...I really want to see Face Punch. I don't know how I feel about that.
Jacob is out-funnying the whole rest of the writing. He seriously needs his own title away from the Edward/Bella suckfest. (hur hur)
Aaaand Jacob now breaks out with a fever of a hundred and werewolf.
Because Dayna said I had to; Bella, he's a wash-and-werewolf. (Cheer Sister says this movie should be called Abs In The Rain)
Soz, Bells, I can't talk to you now. I gots to go see my Shirtless Posse. We're going to go record an album; we're a Wolf Band, see? All-Fur-One.
"You can't break up with me. WE WEREN'T EVEN DATING."
"Dear Alice. LiveJournal won't return my calls. I have to emo to you now."
Meanwhile, in Sparkle Valley...
Hooooly shit that's a big wolf.
There's another fucking huge wolf.
Spider-wolf, Spider-wolf...
FACE PUNCH. FURSPLOSION!
...okay, this part's cool.
Bella's asking her mental Alice to give her the Giles speech.
DAMNIT BELLA MAKING THE SAME JOKE I MADE WHAT THE HELL. (I'm actually really upset about that.)
(EDIT TO ADD: The joke was when she said "Actually, you can't run with vampires." I immediately said "'cause they're fast." A second later, Bella said "'cause they're fast." GGGAAAAAAAHRHGH)
"And then they fursplode."
I'm upset they didn't show the Laurent fight. And now there's just boring "Have you tried not being a werewolf? I mean, maybe you could tell the police, I'm sure they'd love a...superhero? Is that the right term?"
I really like the wolves better. I've always like werewolves better, though.
I'm sorry, I really think the wolves-chasing-and-fighting-Laurent-and-Victoria part really awesome. I REGRET NOTHING. (Can we be watching this movie instead of the suckfest?)
Bella got PUNCHED IN THE FACE by that wave. And it looks like she needs a bigger boat. DUN DUN. DUN DUN. DUN DUN.
Jacob, totally copping a feel.
...it really bothers me that Bella didn't spit up water after that CPR.
WHERE DO THEY GET THE SHORTS? I mean, I understand they can't have fur-frontal male nudity (ow tessa) but do they like stash pants all over the state?
So Sam FURSPLODED EMILY IN THE FACE.
ALICE YAY.
RECREATIONAL CLIFFJUMPING. She's holding it for a friend. IT'S MEDICINAL.
SING IT ALICE. CALL HER AN IDIOT.
I kind of love Alice.
That's probably Mike calling. Always interrupting Jacob when he's getting his mack on.
VAMPIRE GODFATHER MUSIC.
Alice runs over all these pilgrims and holy people. Why? Because she is awesome.
We've come full circle. First thing Cleo told us was that Edward tries Suicide by Public Sparkle.
Gratuitous Vampire Nudity. Tessa: "Wait a second, is he wearing pants?"
The audience is whimpering. WHIMPERING.
KISSING MONTAAAAAAAGE, KISSING MONTAAAAAAAAGE with a wagon full of pancakes.
Alice bursts through a door and breaks the lock. Why? Because she is awesome.
Tessa: "Okay, so he -is- wearing pants. Good."
They're being vampirehandled into the Secret Vampire Elevator. IT HAS SECRET VAMPIRE ELEVATOR MUSIC. AWESOME.
I totally see what you mean, Cleo. Dumblevamp.
Dakota Fanning has Cruciatus Vision.
I LOVE DUMBLEVAMP.
Edward is...cracking. Because his skin is made of marble cupcake adonis angel, I guess?
Aro is just all "Dude are you going to pay for this flooring now? We have to get human contractors that are the best and then we have to kill them afterwards. Come on, dude."
So what I don't get is why Cullens have golden topaz butterscotch eyes and all the others have bloodthirsty crimson blood eyes.
Tourist snacks bwahahahaha.
"I CAN SLEEP AGAIN KNOWING YOU'RE WATCHING ME LIKE A STALKER, EDWARD."
HEY EDWARD. BATMAN CALLED, HE WANTS HIS EXIT BACK.
Sexual tension between Edward and Jacob. Wooooooooooo
Bella needs to keep a rolled-up newspaper with her at all times now.
LINE
Tessa and I managed to catch an early showing of New Moon, against our will. I had to, for the show (which records in an hour and a half), and I wasn't going to see it alone, so I did some serious scrambling (which I will not get into here) and finally was able to make it work. Although it was REALLY DIFFICULT to do so. It shouldn't be so hard to get to see a movie that I didn't want to see in the first goddamned place..
ANYWAY. Reactions are spoilerlicious, I guess. These are not edited in any way; these are notes I jotted down right then and there while I was watching it.
I will note that I was spoiled a bit by Dayna's reactions, so there may be some joke sharing.
hahaha scrapbook
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLADIES
*jaaaaaaames deeeeeean*
Oh, Bella. You and your cradle-robbing creature-of-the-night boyfriend WAIT THAT'S BEEN DONE ALREADY.
...Hello Biceps?
WISTFUL CULLEN FACE.
HEY CULLEN LOOK AT ME HUGGING YOUR GIRL.
dick
PUTZ
ALICE YAY. "Guess what? YOU LOVE IT. You're going to wear it tonight."
...it's actually kind of funny. I'm laughing. "You can't trust vampires. Trust me."
OH ERIC. Only real men cry.
I'm half expecting Edward to say "That's not accurate. I should know, I was there, and Bill Shakespeare didn't write that."
"Hey, Bella, check out all the ways you could die. ISN'T THIS ROMANTIC?"
Edward has his own Shakespeare Reciting Music. That's really useful, actually; I'd like that Vampire Power.
...SOMEBODY BROUGHT A BABY TO THIS MOVIE. A BABY. WHAT THE HELL.
Oooh. The Cullen Family has Wizarding portraits. ...with The Godfather music.
Vampires crack up when they die, I guess.
IT IS YOUR JOB TO PROTECT HER, EDWARD. Because you've been doing such a crack-up job at that so far. *coughJamescough*
...OH GROWING UP CULLEN! EMMETT.
Tessa: "It's awesome that this movie has a laugh track."
BAD JASPER. RUB YOUR FACE IN IT.
Aaaand Bella's now bleeding in a house full of vampires. THIS IS GOING TO END WELL.
Being a doctor gives Carlisle a happy. I'm not sure this is appropriate for the younger audiences in this theater.
Damnit, Dayna already made an Orb of Thesula joke. YOU TAKE AWAY HIS SOUL, BELLA. I bet that makes you feel like such a vamp---HEY.
KILL ME, EDWARD. KILL ME SO IT CAN BE ROMANTIC. I WANT YOU TO KILL ME. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM WHY WON'T YOU JUST GO CRAZY AND DRINK THE BLOOD OF MY LIVING, BREATHING HEART.
SADFACE BELLA.
With the POWER OF MONTAGE, Bella reconstructs half the contents of Teenage America's sock drawers. NOTHING BUT PICTURES OF EDWARD CULLEN. Well, one picture.
You don't belong in his world, Bella. Because you're such a klutz that you're going to bleed all over the place anyway. IT'S NOT ME, IT IS YOU, YOU EXSANGUINATING BITCH. GOD I CAN'T STAND THE SIGHT OF YOUR PALE HUMAN FACE ANY LONGER GET THE FUCK OUT. Oh, and don't be reckless.
You're never going to see me again I am just going to disappear without a trace BUT FIRST LET ME PUT A GIANT VAMPIRE HICKEY ON YOUR FOREHEAD SO THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER ME WHEN YOU ARE BUYING HATS.
I get it. She's falling down BECAUSE SHE IS SO CRUSHED. This is so artistic.
Shirtless Man has saved Bella! Thank you, Shirtless Man! But now you must away to fight other crimes that are SPECIFICALLY TAILORED (specifically taylored hur hur) to your Power of No Shirtedness.
Aaaaaand the spinning montage of time passing. Montaaaage, montaaaage, there's a montaaaaaaaaage with a wagon full of pancaaaaaaaaakes.
...Bella's internal Montagealogue is kind of like this one Chicago song. "If you leave, you'll take away the biggest part of me. Ooh ooh ooh ooh, baby please don't go."
THANK YOU, CHARLIE.
Charlie's like the funniest character in this whole movie. I love him.
...I've had this "sociological aspects of zombie movies" conversation before.
...HallucinaCullen!
"Hi. What do you want? Ride on my phallucycle? That rocks."
"You are one crazy bitch, you know that? I like that in a woman."
"If a rush of danger is what it takes to see Edward, I guess I'll take up chainsaw juggling. JACOB HELP ME GET CHAINSAWS READY FOR JUGGLING."
BUFF JACOB WHAT. Although he's pretty funny.
Tessa: "That 'age is just a number baby' line is totally a pedophile pickup line."
Me: "Which is hilarious because he's the one who's underage."
BACKPEDAL HARDER, JACOB.
"God, Jacob, you punch like a wolf."
"Dear Alice, let me tell you about how I'm totally using this boy to make me feel better. Isn't that awesome?"
Tessa: "Charlie is like the most patient dad in the world."
Me: "Too bad he has to put up with Bella."
Charlie Swan: Famous Ladies' Man. I want to be watching that movie now, instead of this one.
Shirtless Water Jumping Woo! Cliff diving requires no shirts. TAKE A HINT, BELLA.
"Sam keeps looking at me like he's waiting for me to like, burst into fur or something."
Edward Cullen Milestones. Now coming to a tiny Washington town near you.
"Bella!" "Don't!" "Do!" "This!" "Echo echo echo echo echo!"
...the amount of wolf whistles when Jacob takes off his shirt is disturbing. Or: WOLF WHISTLING AMIRITE
"You're so beautiful." "How hard did you hit your head?" Jacob needs his own movie away from this franchise.
Forks Police can't bear to find the killers. It's a grizzly state of affairs. City Council is polarized by this. They're thinking of putting up a Dang-ur sine down the --ow. (This is where Tessa hit me.)
FACE PUNCH. THE MOST AWESOME MOVIE TITLE IN THE WORLD.
"Do you guys want to go see Face Punch?" YES PLEASE.
"Bella's buying my ticket for me." You bad influence you, Bella.
...I really want to see Face Punch. I don't know how I feel about that.
Jacob is out-funnying the whole rest of the writing. He seriously needs his own title away from the Edward/Bella suckfest. (hur hur)
Aaaand Jacob now breaks out with a fever of a hundred and werewolf.
Because Dayna said I had to; Bella, he's a wash-and-werewolf. (Cheer Sister says this movie should be called Abs In The Rain)
Soz, Bells, I can't talk to you now. I gots to go see my Shirtless Posse. We're going to go record an album; we're a Wolf Band, see? All-Fur-One.
"You can't break up with me. WE WEREN'T EVEN DATING."
"Dear Alice. LiveJournal won't return my calls. I have to emo to you now."
Meanwhile, in Sparkle Valley...
Hooooly shit that's a big wolf.
There's another fucking huge wolf.
Spider-wolf, Spider-wolf...
FACE PUNCH. FURSPLOSION!
...okay, this part's cool.
Bella's asking her mental Alice to give her the Giles speech.
DAMNIT BELLA MAKING THE SAME JOKE I MADE WHAT THE HELL. (I'm actually really upset about that.)
(EDIT TO ADD: The joke was when she said "Actually, you can't run with vampires." I immediately said "'cause they're fast." A second later, Bella said "'cause they're fast." GGGAAAAAAAHRHGH)
"And then they fursplode."
I'm upset they didn't show the Laurent fight. And now there's just boring "Have you tried not being a werewolf? I mean, maybe you could tell the police, I'm sure they'd love a...superhero? Is that the right term?"
I really like the wolves better. I've always like werewolves better, though.
I'm sorry, I really think the wolves-chasing-and-fighting-Laurent-and-Victoria part really awesome. I REGRET NOTHING. (Can we be watching this movie instead of the suckfest?)
Bella got PUNCHED IN THE FACE by that wave. And it looks like she needs a bigger boat. DUN DUN. DUN DUN. DUN DUN.
Jacob, totally copping a feel.
...it really bothers me that Bella didn't spit up water after that CPR.
WHERE DO THEY GET THE SHORTS? I mean, I understand they can't have fur-frontal male nudity (ow tessa) but do they like stash pants all over the state?
So Sam FURSPLODED EMILY IN THE FACE.
ALICE YAY.
RECREATIONAL CLIFFJUMPING. She's holding it for a friend. IT'S MEDICINAL.
SING IT ALICE. CALL HER AN IDIOT.
I kind of love Alice.
That's probably Mike calling. Always interrupting Jacob when he's getting his mack on.
VAMPIRE GODFATHER MUSIC.
Alice runs over all these pilgrims and holy people. Why? Because she is awesome.
We've come full circle. First thing Cleo told us was that Edward tries Suicide by Public Sparkle.
Gratuitous Vampire Nudity. Tessa: "Wait a second, is he wearing pants?"
The audience is whimpering. WHIMPERING.
KISSING MONTAAAAAAAGE, KISSING MONTAAAAAAAAGE with a wagon full of pancakes.
Alice bursts through a door and breaks the lock. Why? Because she is awesome.
Tessa: "Okay, so he -is- wearing pants. Good."
They're being vampirehandled into the Secret Vampire Elevator. IT HAS SECRET VAMPIRE ELEVATOR MUSIC. AWESOME.
I totally see what you mean, Cleo. Dumblevamp.
Dakota Fanning has Cruciatus Vision.
I LOVE DUMBLEVAMP.
Edward is...cracking. Because his skin is made of marble cupcake adonis angel, I guess?
Aro is just all "Dude are you going to pay for this flooring now? We have to get human contractors that are the best and then we have to kill them afterwards. Come on, dude."
So what I don't get is why Cullens have golden topaz butterscotch eyes and all the others have bloodthirsty crimson blood eyes.
Tourist snacks bwahahahaha.
"I CAN SLEEP AGAIN KNOWING YOU'RE WATCHING ME LIKE A STALKER, EDWARD."
HEY EDWARD. BATMAN CALLED, HE WANTS HIS EXIT BACK.
Sexual tension between Edward and Jacob. Wooooooooooo
Bella needs to keep a rolled-up newspaper with her at all times now.
LINE
(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-22 04:48 pm (UTC)I would have hit you there, too
Date: 2009-11-22 04:56 pm (UTC)Edward's only 109 JESUS CHRIST WHY DO I KNOW THIS
...I really want to see Face Punch. I don't know how I feel about that.
Very, very good about yourself.
"You can't break up with me. WE WEREN'T EVEN DATING."
EXACTLY the thought in my brain.
DAMNIT BELLA MAKING THE SAME JOKE I MADE WHAT THE HELL. (I'm actually really upset about that.)
Now I have to ask.
And it looks like she needs a bigger boat. DUN DUN. DUN DUN. DUN DUN.
Yeah, I went there.
...it really bothers me that Bella didn't spit up water after that CPR.
I KNOW RIGHT
RECREATIONAL CLIFFJUMPING. She's holding it for a friend. IT'S MEDICINAL.
CARROTS.
So what I don't get is why Cullens have golden topaz butterscotch eyes and all the others have bloodthirsty crimson blood eyes.
Because they wouldn't look good in white and black hats, I...guess...?
Re: I would have hit you there, too
Date: 2009-11-22 04:59 pm (UTC)Basically, though, Bella said "Actually, you can't run with vampires." I whispered to Tessa " 'cause they're fast." And immediately after Bella said " 'cause they're fast."
(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-22 05:05 pm (UTC)Also, the Cullens have golden/topaz eyes because they don't nom humans. They nom animals.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-22 05:06 pm (UTC)...it was kind of funny<3
(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-22 05:51 pm (UTC)I KNOW RIGHT
Oh my God, Michael Sheen is so awesome. He plays it EXACTLY THE WAY I HEARD IT IN MY HEAD. I didn't even know that was POSSIBLE.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-22 06:52 pm (UTC)Liking the books but hating the first movie is really awkward. I guess that means I wait until it's on dvd...
(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-22 10:50 pm (UTC)I am equal parts *ded* and *facepalm*.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-22 11:32 pm (UTC)Hee hee hee.
"Hi. What do you want? Ride on my phallucycle? That rocks."
I...kinda want to see whatever scene inspired this sentence. *hangs head*
So what I don't get is why Cullens have golden topaz butterscotch eyes and all the others have bloodthirsty crimson blood eyes.
Because the Cullens are SPESHUL SNOWFLAKES, duh.
...OK. I'm really going to have to watch this movie, aren't I? DAMMIT.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-23 02:12 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-23 02:17 am (UTC)Man, I am so bored right now. I think you need to go read another chapter of Twilight. ;)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-23 02:38 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-23 02:55 am (UTC)hee.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-23 02:56 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-23 03:13 am (UTC)I'm kind of procrastinating on stuff myself right now, is all. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-23 03:15 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-23 03:16 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-23 02:22 am (UTC)Gratuitous Vampire Nudity. Tessa: "Wait a second, is he wearing pants?"
I SAID THE SAME THING TO MY FRIEND!!!! I was like Oh...oh my?
(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-23 03:57 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-23 03:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-23 06:55 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-28 05:26 pm (UTC)I love it when people reference Strong Bad who is really under-appreciated given he is a font of of wisdom and hilarity