The Sparklening Strikes Back
Nov. 18th, 2009 09:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alliancesjrApparently, Dayna's job as Senior Porn Correspondant to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
cleolinda didn't go so well.
@queenanthai: So I have seen the Twilight porno parody. I have never been so disappointed in my life. For those asking: it does NOT SPARKLE. :(
@queenanthai: I was going to write up this beautiful review, and I just can't. I knew the porn would be bad, but I didn't expect it to be not funny.
@alliancesjr: That's kind of anti-climactic. (hur hur)
Chapter Five
@alliancesjr: I get it. Bella doesn't like the guys giving her attention but she's devastated when they're not fawning over her. Gotcha.
@alliancesjr: STAY AWAY FROM ME BELLA I MEAN IT actually could you come over here for a moment please
@alliancesjr: "IF I AM GOING TO HELL I MIGHT AS WELL DO IT RIGHT". WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN. WHAT.
I seriously don't get this. It worked way better in the movie when he said that after The Big Reveal/I Sparkled For A GIRL part 'cause then it's like, she knows so might as well make the best of it. Here? It makes absolutely no sense what is this i don't even.
@Eviey: I think it means "if I'm going to hell I may as well go because of a tasty fressia bloodgasm".
@alliancesjr: Those come with free toppings, you know.
@alliancesjr: I got tired of staying away from you. FOR LIKE A DAY.
(Actual quote from Roommate: "I don't...what? I don't get how this is supposed to be romantic. This is all stalkerish and creepy." And then I told her how it gets creepier.
@alliancesjr: AND IT KEEPS GOING. "I can't stay away from you BUT I AM WARNING YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM ME please don't go YOU MUST GO what"
@alliancesjr: Huh. In the movie, she says her theories are between superheroes. Here, she's to embarassed to admit this connection.
@alliancesjr: And then he DAZZLES her.
Give her the old Razzle-Dazzle
Razzle-Dazzle her
Give her an dash of undead pheromones
And she won't think straight 'till she's on her own
Give her the old hocus pocus
Sparkle merrily
How can she see with sequins in her eyes?
What if she ain't anticipating?
Will you still catch her exsanguinating?
Razzle-Dazzle her
And she'll never catch wise!
@alliancesjr: ...and she loves the idea that he's dangerous. Bella™ - Adrenaline Junky Since...*flipcheck* 2005
@alliancesjr: "I'm a bad guy." "THAT IS SO HOT." "...what."
@alliancesjr: Okay, so the teacher totally stabbing Mike with the needle and force-smearing blood onto the paper?
@alliancesjr: That's actually really awesome in a "Haha catch a teacher doing that in a school THESE days" kind of way.
@alliancesjr: The romantic interest of a vampire is disgusted by blood. OH WOW DYNAMIC THIS IS SO DEEP YOU GUYS. OVERCOME ALL OBSTACLES, YOU SHINY DIAMOND
@alliancesjr: BELLA WATCH MY DAZZLE POWERS. hey baby you so fine baby #smoove
(I wish I could claim credit to that line, that is the best line in the world and I should totally use it on some girl and see what she does.) (It will probably result in violence.)
(WORTH THE RISK.)
@alliancesjr: Aaaand stalker/abusive boyfriend Edward is back in town. "YOU ARE IN NO CONDITION TO DRIVE I WILL VAMPIREHANDLE YOU INTO MY VOLVO."
@alliancesjr: "YOU ARE SUCH A BASTARD EDWARD I CAN DRIVE MYSELF HOW DARE YOU oh hey pretty music i wanna listen"
@alliancesjr: ...I just got it. Rosalie Hale as in AW HALE NO. #slow
@alliancesjr: This...this chapter has been one of the most bipolar chapters I've read. I don't even know.
I think I need to take another break in this before tackling another chapter. Augh.
cleolinda didn't go so well.@queenanthai: So I have seen the Twilight porno parody. I have never been so disappointed in my life. For those asking: it does NOT SPARKLE. :(
@queenanthai: I was going to write up this beautiful review, and I just can't. I knew the porn would be bad, but I didn't expect it to be not funny.
@alliancesjr: That's kind of anti-climactic. (hur hur)
Chapter Five
@alliancesjr: I get it. Bella doesn't like the guys giving her attention but she's devastated when they're not fawning over her. Gotcha.
@alliancesjr: STAY AWAY FROM ME BELLA I MEAN IT actually could you come over here for a moment please
@alliancesjr: "IF I AM GOING TO HELL I MIGHT AS WELL DO IT RIGHT". WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN. WHAT.
I seriously don't get this. It worked way better in the movie when he said that after The Big Reveal/I Sparkled For A GIRL part 'cause then it's like, she knows so might as well make the best of it. Here? It makes absolutely no sense what is this i don't even.
@Eviey: I think it means "if I'm going to hell I may as well go because of a tasty fressia bloodgasm".
@alliancesjr: Those come with free toppings, you know.
@alliancesjr: I got tired of staying away from you. FOR LIKE A DAY.
(Actual quote from Roommate: "I don't...what? I don't get how this is supposed to be romantic. This is all stalkerish and creepy." And then I told her how it gets creepier.
@alliancesjr: AND IT KEEPS GOING. "I can't stay away from you BUT I AM WARNING YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM ME please don't go YOU MUST GO what"
@alliancesjr: Huh. In the movie, she says her theories are between superheroes. Here, she's to embarassed to admit this connection.
@alliancesjr: And then he DAZZLES her.
Give her the old Razzle-Dazzle
Razzle-Dazzle her
Give her an dash of undead pheromones
And she won't think straight 'till she's on her own
Give her the old hocus pocus
Sparkle merrily
How can she see with sequins in her eyes?
What if she ain't anticipating?
Will you still catch her exsanguinating?
Razzle-Dazzle her
And she'll never catch wise!
@alliancesjr: ...and she loves the idea that he's dangerous. Bella™ - Adrenaline Junky Since...*flipcheck* 2005
@alliancesjr: "I'm a bad guy." "THAT IS SO HOT." "...what."
@alliancesjr: Okay, so the teacher totally stabbing Mike with the needle and force-smearing blood onto the paper?
@alliancesjr: That's actually really awesome in a "Haha catch a teacher doing that in a school THESE days" kind of way.
@alliancesjr: The romantic interest of a vampire is disgusted by blood. OH WOW DYNAMIC THIS IS SO DEEP YOU GUYS. OVERCOME ALL OBSTACLES, YOU SHINY DIAMOND
@alliancesjr: BELLA WATCH MY DAZZLE POWERS. hey baby you so fine baby #smoove
(I wish I could claim credit to that line, that is the best line in the world and I should totally use it on some girl and see what she does.) (It will probably result in violence.)
(WORTH THE RISK.)
@alliancesjr: Aaaand stalker/abusive boyfriend Edward is back in town. "YOU ARE IN NO CONDITION TO DRIVE I WILL VAMPIREHANDLE YOU INTO MY VOLVO."
@alliancesjr: "YOU ARE SUCH A BASTARD EDWARD I CAN DRIVE MYSELF HOW DARE YOU oh hey pretty music i wanna listen"
@alliancesjr: ...I just got it. Rosalie Hale as in AW HALE NO. #slow
@alliancesjr: This...this chapter has been one of the most bipolar chapters I've read. I don't even know.
I think I need to take another break in this before tackling another chapter. Augh.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-19 04:55 am (UTC)What if she ain't anticipating?
Will you still catch her exsanguinating?
*ACTUALLY I SWEAR TO GOD CHOKED ON A PRETZEL THANK YOU KEVIN*
(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-19 05:10 am (UTC)While I certainly understand that instinct (http://serenity-valley.livejournal.com/109495.html), I must voice an adamant "NO". You are hilarious and your chapter recaps/reactions are lol-tastic and I demand neverending entertainment.
(Oh...um...yeah, you don't know me? I friended you because of cleolinda's shoutout. So um...hi?)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-19 01:15 pm (UTC)Also, I love the whole "THAT IS SO HOT" "...what."
Because that is totally what happened, only not as nicely summarized. But I guess it would be weird for an author to summarize their own story before writing it. O.o
(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-19 05:51 pm (UTC)The Razzle-Dazzle song, just made my day. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-19 08:37 pm (UTC)I have to find my copy. I must read this. I will print out your version and read them along with the books like a sarcastic cliff's notes.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-20 02:32 pm (UTC)I'll definitely keep following this LJ for them ;)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-21 03:51 am (UTC)Hee hee hee.
This: still awesome! Thank you for sacrificing yourself for THE GREATER GOOD.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-21 05:26 am (UTC)