The Stuttering Part Two: Revenge of the Syllables

[alliancesjr]

My stutter is back.

A lot of people have asked me what I'm talking about. They hadn't noticed my stutter before, they didn't know what I was referring to, etc. For them, and the rest of you, I should probably explain.

I used to stutter. A lot. I don't know when it started but it lasted all the way through high school and probably a little bit past it. This was a case of "brain working faster than the mouth"¹, as many stutters are, and not in fact a side-effect from living in Derry.

The stutter itself is less of a difficulty in pronouncing words (though a little bit of that is evident if you really look) than it is more a difficulty in choosing words themselves. Listeners of the podcast will notice in some episodes I have trouble actually speaking, even when reading off a pre-written segment (such as Noel's last e-mail to the show³). It comes and goes, and always has; it's actually not so much "The Stutter is Back" as it is "The Stutter Won't Go Away".

During high school - Melissa can attest to this - it was so bad that Older Sister kept calling me Rain Man⁴. There were times I could barely make myself say anything, let alone what I wanted to say.

Time and patience has helped. Many of you might notice that I tend to speak slowly and carefully, and that I kind of stumble over words when I get excited. This is the byproduct of The Stutter. I try to keep control over it at all times, but when I'm enthused or anxious or worried or stressed out, control slips, and I start fumbling.

The problem, though, is that ever since the most recent time I lost control, I haven't been able to get it back. It's not very noticeable unless you're looking for it (or unless you're Jillian, who did notice but didn't mention it until I brought it up a few days ago), but it's been worrying me. What if it never goes away? What if it gets worse?

I know, I know, I shouldn't worry too much, but consider this.

• I'm trying to break into broadcasting now. Passively, true, but it won't remain passive for long.


• I'm already hard to understand on Made of Fail. We've nearly hit the Two Hundred Listeners mark (*cheer*), and it's already been made clear that you all love Dayna more than myself. What'll happen if I drive all of 'em away?


• I've been working half-heartedly on a stand-up comedy routine that I might take to an amateur night or two.⁵ Yes, I know that Lewis Black stutters through most of his most famous routines, but I'm not Lewis Black. Hell, half the reason people listen to him is for when he goes psycho on-stage and starts losing vocabulary left and right.


• Every job I've had, at some point or another, I've been praised for my Professional Telephone Voice, which can very easily become Professional Announcer Voice. This voice can lead some customers to believe that I am a machine (You can tell by the following: "*pause* ...oh, I'm sorry, you're an actual person? I was waiting for you to tell me what buttons to press!") or cause the daughters of managers to comment on my apparent auditory attractiveness. (This actually happened: "Kevin, I just want to tell you that when you transferred my daughter over, the first thing she said was 'Who's the new guy with the sexy voice?'" I am not making this up.)

The reason this is a problem is that I'm stuttering through the most simple telephone duties that a mailroom clerk can have.⁶ It's starting to affect my job now.

Jillian says it's stress, that it'll go away on its own. It's been a couple weeks now, though, and I don't know what to do.

---

1. It's a long story. I was doing sixth-grade science in first grade and then got moved up a grade and et cetera.²


2. Okay, not that long.


3. Dayna: "Redo those lines, you stutter all the way through Hare Krishna."


4. My father suggested to me once, as a rebuttal, that I respond with "At least I was never put into an institution, unlike some I could care to mention." My father got a Look from my mother about that, and the matter was never again raised. It did the trick, though.


5. Local Open Mic Nights, at least to start with. No way am I going to leap into the "Amateur Wednesdays at Second City"-end of the pool first time out.


6. "Hi, this is Kevin from the mailroom, extension [number]. We've recieved a [floral delivery/personal package/fruit basket/Cheese-a-saurus Rex costume] and are holding it for you down here in the mailroom. Please come pick it up at your earliest convenience. If you have any questions, please call us back at extension [number] and we will be more than happy to assist you further. Thank you!"

Comments

[westonian.livejournal.com]

I admit that Dayna does make MoF more interesting. But an episode without Kevin's amazing voice is hardly an episode worth listening to. I hear The Voice and think, "Dang, that is one sexy voice. Did they get Peter Sagal for this one, and if so how?"

Yes, I'm comparing you to the host of Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me. You are that awesome. Or your voice is. Which is a part of you, and thus counts towards general awesomeness.

[alliancesjr.livejournal.com]

That's why I'm trying to get the stuttering back in check. Peter Sagal doesn't stutter!

[queenanthai.livejournal.com]

I admit that Dayna does make MoF more interesting. But an episode without Kevin's amazing voice is hardly an episode worth listening to.

Yeah, hi, remember Episode 16, when it was me and Devin? No? THERE'S A DAMN GOOD REASON WHY NOT. Worst. Episode. Ever. I suck without a witless foil.

[sora50.livejournal.com]

HEY! I'm plenty witless!

Like I said below, you two work best together and the show definitely suffers when one of you is missing.

[nefariousgrey.livejournal.com]

I'm inclined to agree with Jillian. Sounds like an issue of stress to me. And if your life hasn't changed at all in a couple of weeks, why WOULD the stutter go away? It means you're still stressed. I mean, supposedly. There could be something else at play here and I'm certainly no expert on speech problems. I'd start by finding a way to effectively de-stress, anyway you can. Even if it's totally zoning out on the weekend. Maybe aromatherapy? Or bubble baths.

[alliancesjr.livejournal.com]

I should do both. An aromatic bubble bath!

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

# I'm already hard to understand on Made of Fail. We've nearly hit the Two Hundred Listeners mark (*cheer*), and it's already been made clear that you all love Dayna more than myself. What'll happen if I drive all of 'em away?

Aw, that's bullshit. I think the problem is that you're the straight man to Dayna and sometimes Adam, and the straight man never gets the love, but he's the backbone of the enterprise, you know? And I don't find you hard to understand at all--from the first time I was on, I was impressed by what a clear, strong radio voice you had. And maybe that's the result of overcompensation, but believe me, not everyone does. A lot of people have "omg my voice sounds so awful!" and I don't, but I still know that I mumble a bit, don't always project or enunciate the way I need to, I get lost among other voices, etc. I'm comfortable enough, but my diction isn't always as good as yours--going back and listening to myself, I almost sound a little lazy.

Besides, I went back and listened to the old episodes I was on--I was trying to listen for particular moments to link in the Harry Potter footnotes--and from the time I was first on to the Watchmen and HBP episodes, you have become a really good moderator. The two Twilight episodes are kind of all over the place in terms of the group talking over each other, but the two others are really well-run and organized. So you are contributing a huge way even beyond the speaking part.

[alliancesjr.livejournal.com]

You're probably right. I like being the straight man, too; the straight man often gets the best lines specifically because he's so deadpan about 'em.

That's probably why Dayna and I click so much better than other people. She and I are able to bounce things back and forth; she's the color commentator, and I'm Harry Caray.

(Do you really refer to Made of Fail in those footnotes? Now we definitely need to get all our listeners to buy 'em. Which we were going to do anyway, but still. <3 )

[krazycat.livejournal.com]

I think the problem is that you're the straight man to Dayna and sometimes Adam, and the straight man never gets the love, but he's the backbone of the enterprise, you know? And I don't find you hard to understand at all-

What she said!

[queenanthai.livejournal.com]

I'm wondering if an anti-anxiety med might not work out for you. Ask YOUR doctor about Ativan! I doubt whether speech therapy is covered under your insurance, but it's worth a shot. Need my Google-fu?

Also, I really hope I didn't make you feel self-conscious with those raw notes. I didn't know this was an ongoing thing. :/

Stressing out over it may make it worse, not that that's remotely useful advice because durr, how can you not dwell on it, right? But when it comes to the show at least, remember that everything can be re-recorded. It's not a catastrophe.

Now go to the doctor and see what they say about the Ativan. P.S. Everybody loves me more because I put out.

[corinnethewise.livejournal.com]

I totally used to have this problem, the brain moves faster than the mouth stutter. The only way that I got rid of it was through three years of twice a week speech therapy in elementary school. And I still relapse as well when I get excited. Are you able to purposefully slow yourself down? The phrase my speech therapist made me keep repeating was "slow, easy, speech." And I had to practice reading out loud a lot and had to tape myself and listen to myself a lot.

If it makes you feel any better, I hadn't noticed a problem at all, and in fact had noticed that you have very nice enunciation (which I guess is often a give away for a younger speech problem, now that I think about it). I hope this goes away for you, good luck!

[sora50.livejournal.com]

The first time Dayna talked to me about coming on MoF, I kinda side-stepped her because I'm a bit self-conscious about my voice both in terms of pitch (I can sing decent countertenor) and tripping over myself. Then I did it and listened back to myself and it really wasn't that bad. I'm not telling you anything you don't know here--it always sounds worse in your head than in reality.

Besides, a slight stutter isn't the worse thing in the world for a comedian. You mentioned Lewis Black. Another beloved figure is Bob Newhart. A stutter can make one seem more relatable and likeable. One thing I struggled with when I guest-edited MoF was the urge to smooth out all of the prolonged pauses and cross-talk. It would have sounded very polished, but I think one of the appeals of MoF is how real you and Dayna sound. I did a snip here and there, but for the most part I let you two sound like friends chatting and I think that was for the best.

Also, I think you and Dayna work best together; I don't have a favorite between you two. An episode missing one or the other always brings the show down a notch or two.

Best of luck with The Stutter.

[beow11.livejournal.com]

Ya know, I never thought it was that bad actually- at least, I didnt notice it much. Maybe you just need a Cheeseasaurus Rex costume.

;-)