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alliancesjr(I think Rene's "HEY KEVIN IS SPARKLY AND BISHY" usericon is appropriate here, don't you?)
Ladies and Gentlemen, these are not going to be Twilight Recaps. You want those, I know someone who has done it way better than I could ever possibly do. What these will be, however, are reactions. Partly copied from Twitter, but partly written directly here. I will be reacting to things as I read them and not go back and edit later.
Let me also preface this by saying something that may possibly shock you (or it may not, whatever the case may be): I don't hate Stephanie Meyer. I can't stand her writing style, and I think these books are total wastes of paper, but I hold no grudge to the woman who wrote them. She's hit something here, and she's obviously doing something right, and even if I personally cannot stand it I can respect her for it. Like Cleo said, there was a need and she filled it, and she deserves every cent she gets out of these foolish girls and their mothers.
The girls and their mothers, however, should be ashamed of themselves. But hey, Buyer Beware. Nobody forced them to read the books, and nobody forced them to like 'em. I also hold no grudge against Twilight fans - provided they're not the completely insane Twilight fans who think I deserve to have a miscarraige because I don't like their favorite new fictional universe. (And yes, I am aware of the hypocrisy. I can't stand rabid fans of any kind, ESPECIALLY when they share a fandom [or a Warcraft character class] with me. YOU ARE MAKING US LOOK BAD[, STUPID HUNTERS].)
*cough*
Are disclaimers all set? I think they are.
Chapter One
@alliancesjr: Okay, so I'm committing to it.
@alliancesjr: I AM GOING TO FORCE MYSELF TO READ THESE THINGS.
@alliancesjr: MY PAIN IS FOR YOU, LISTENERS.
@alliancesjr: Fishing is a painful, unnecessary thing, Bella? FISHING?
@alliancesjr: Cleo, does Bella -always- go from zero to bitch in about three seconds?
@alliancesjr: Although I kind of like her reaction to seeing her truck for the first time. I should probably do this on LJ so as to not flood Twitter, huh
Seriously, though, that's a pretty awesome reaction. "To my intense surprise, I loved it. I didn't know if it would run, but I could see myself in it. Plus, it was one of those solid iron affairs that never gets damaged — the kind you see at the scene of an accident, paint unscratched, surrounded by the pieces of the foreign car it had destroyed." Kind of reminds me of an awesome scene in Back to the Future: Part II where Doc Brown says "You can't ram him! We're in a DeLorean, he's in a '53 Ford Whateveritis! He'll go through us like paper!" Good show, Meyer. Good show.
@cleolinda: There is no "go." This is a permanent state of being. Also: KS in the movie makes a lot more sense now, doesn't she?
@alliancesjr: I have to say, I liked Movie!Bella more than this. At least she played it off like normal teenage girl.
@cleolinda: You see why I love M!B now. ANYTHING IS BETTER.
(That exchange is relevant to these reactions.)
@alliancesjr: This book was published in 2005? HAHA BELLA HAD DIALUP
@alliancesjr: Granted, that section was probably written well before then.
@alliancesjr: A relief to stare dejectedly out the window. I AM SO HAPPY TO MOPE ABOUT CHARLIE YOU HAVE NO IDEA
I must have missed that phase in my teenage years where I wanted to just sit and listen to depressing music and watch a depressing scene out of my window AND THINK THAT WAS FUN. I was all holed up in my favorite chair (lit by the SUN because it was next to the big south-facing windows) and read my books, or watch television with my mother (SHE HAS THE MOST AWESOME TASTE IN SHOWS), or watch my father do some woodworking hobby in the garage (He doesn't do that anymore).
Granted, everyone's childhood is different, but any of you guys, did you ever WANT to just sit and stare morosely as opposed to doing something fun?
Anyone?
@alliancesjr: Does...does rain go "whoosh"?
Okay, so any comments on weather, I'll probably give the benefit of the doubt. I've always lived in Chicago, Land Of One Thousand Weather Patterns Before Lunchtime ("You don't like the weather in Chicago? Wait five minutes; it'll change."), and moving down south would probably give me Weather Culture Shock in a similar manner. "Jillian, WHY WON'T THE SUN JUST GO AWAY? I'm ready for it to be overcast ANY DAY NOW. COME ON."
I'll have to ask Tessa, actually. She's a California Girl who moved to the Midwest. She'll probably give me some perspective to a Sunshine Girl moving to the Godless North.
(Ohgod this is already long AND I AM ONLY EIGHT PAGES IN.)
@alliancesjr: I'm...going to have to agree with Bella about the school thing. My high school was gorgeous, and it threw me off when I first saw it.
Truth. It's designed after a university, after all, and many people passing it think it is. Very different from the grade school and junior high I went to, which looked like sanitoriums.
@alliancesjr: "I CAN DO THIS, NOBODY WAS GOING TO BITE ME". *face-ovenmitt*
(A reference to a Twitter follower who recommended I read Twilight wearing an oven mitt to help absorb the blow of all the facepalming I was inevitably going to be doing.)
@alliancesjr: OH NO A NERD IS TALKING TO ME. I AM GOING TO DIE OF EMBARASSMENT.
@alliancesjr: I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THEY -HAD- NERDS IN THE GODLESS NORTH
Okay, I have a serious problem with this. All this guy is doing is trying to be nice to the new girl, say hello, be friendly, and she describes him as having "chess club eyes" and "hair as black as an oil slick". You didn't want to stand out as the New Girl, Bella? Nothing works as well as being AS CONSPICUOUSLY BITCHY AS POSSIBLE. I wonder if they can see the Valley Girl Revulsion in her eyes as she's drawing back in horror.
No, I'm not still bitter over high school. Why do you ask?
@alliancesjr: Aaand here's Edward. I'm only remembering the painfully-shrill screams from the theater right now.
The movie probably ruined me forever; I'm imagining all of the Cullens (and pretty much everyone else) as they were on-screen. Especially Emmett. Ohgod, the only thing that ruined me more than the movie was reading Growing Up Cullen's somewhat exaggerated (though apparently not by much, according to Cleo's recaps) version of Emmett. YO BELLA WE COOKED YOU FOODS.
@alliancesjr: I think that reading this will be slightly colored from Growing Up Cullen's version of Emmett, who will always be in my head now.
@alliancesjr: She keeps describing Edward by his hair. Did she KNOW that RPattz was going to be cast? I'm curious as to her mental image while she wrote.
@alliancesjr: This would be so much easier to read if Edward put on Game Face and killed Bella right then and there.
THAT IS HOW VAMPIRES WORK. THERE IS BLOODLUST, THEY VAMP OUT, YOU DIE. Or else there's a Slayer or a local gang-related equivalent. ONE OR THE OTHER, PEOPLE.
@alliancesjr: Seriously, these words. Hate, rage, murderous intent. That's what it is. NECKS SNAPPED PER SECOND ON YOUR WAY OVER TO KILL HER, EDWARD.
(This is apparently what was on his mind during that scene, according to Cleo's Midnight Sun recap. Which is completely awesome.)
Okay, I think I can only handle this one chapter at a time before I do go mad. This'll continue...sometime later.
Ladies and Gentlemen, these are not going to be Twilight Recaps. You want those, I know someone who has done it way better than I could ever possibly do. What these will be, however, are reactions. Partly copied from Twitter, but partly written directly here. I will be reacting to things as I read them and not go back and edit later.
Let me also preface this by saying something that may possibly shock you (or it may not, whatever the case may be): I don't hate Stephanie Meyer. I can't stand her writing style, and I think these books are total wastes of paper, but I hold no grudge to the woman who wrote them. She's hit something here, and she's obviously doing something right, and even if I personally cannot stand it I can respect her for it. Like Cleo said, there was a need and she filled it, and she deserves every cent she gets out of these foolish girls and their mothers.
The girls and their mothers, however, should be ashamed of themselves. But hey, Buyer Beware. Nobody forced them to read the books, and nobody forced them to like 'em. I also hold no grudge against Twilight fans - provided they're not the completely insane Twilight fans who think I deserve to have a miscarraige because I don't like their favorite new fictional universe. (And yes, I am aware of the hypocrisy. I can't stand rabid fans of any kind, ESPECIALLY when they share a fandom [or a Warcraft character class] with me. YOU ARE MAKING US LOOK BAD[, STUPID HUNTERS].)
*cough*
Are disclaimers all set? I think they are.
Chapter One
@alliancesjr: Okay, so I'm committing to it.
@alliancesjr: I AM GOING TO FORCE MYSELF TO READ THESE THINGS.
@alliancesjr: MY PAIN IS FOR YOU, LISTENERS.
@alliancesjr: Fishing is a painful, unnecessary thing, Bella? FISHING?
@alliancesjr: Cleo, does Bella -always- go from zero to bitch in about three seconds?
@alliancesjr: Although I kind of like her reaction to seeing her truck for the first time. I should probably do this on LJ so as to not flood Twitter, huh
Seriously, though, that's a pretty awesome reaction. "To my intense surprise, I loved it. I didn't know if it would run, but I could see myself in it. Plus, it was one of those solid iron affairs that never gets damaged — the kind you see at the scene of an accident, paint unscratched, surrounded by the pieces of the foreign car it had destroyed." Kind of reminds me of an awesome scene in Back to the Future: Part II where Doc Brown says "You can't ram him! We're in a DeLorean, he's in a '53 Ford Whateveritis! He'll go through us like paper!" Good show, Meyer. Good show.
@cleolinda: There is no "go." This is a permanent state of being. Also: KS in the movie makes a lot more sense now, doesn't she?
@alliancesjr: I have to say, I liked Movie!Bella more than this. At least she played it off like normal teenage girl.
@cleolinda: You see why I love M!B now. ANYTHING IS BETTER.
(That exchange is relevant to these reactions.)
@alliancesjr: This book was published in 2005? HAHA BELLA HAD DIALUP
@alliancesjr: Granted, that section was probably written well before then.
@alliancesjr: A relief to stare dejectedly out the window. I AM SO HAPPY TO MOPE ABOUT CHARLIE YOU HAVE NO IDEA
I must have missed that phase in my teenage years where I wanted to just sit and listen to depressing music and watch a depressing scene out of my window AND THINK THAT WAS FUN. I was all holed up in my favorite chair (lit by the SUN because it was next to the big south-facing windows) and read my books, or watch television with my mother (SHE HAS THE MOST AWESOME TASTE IN SHOWS), or watch my father do some woodworking hobby in the garage (He doesn't do that anymore).
Granted, everyone's childhood is different, but any of you guys, did you ever WANT to just sit and stare morosely as opposed to doing something fun?
Anyone?
@alliancesjr: Does...does rain go "whoosh"?
Okay, so any comments on weather, I'll probably give the benefit of the doubt. I've always lived in Chicago, Land Of One Thousand Weather Patterns Before Lunchtime ("You don't like the weather in Chicago? Wait five minutes; it'll change."), and moving down south would probably give me Weather Culture Shock in a similar manner. "Jillian, WHY WON'T THE SUN JUST GO AWAY? I'm ready for it to be overcast ANY DAY NOW. COME ON."
I'll have to ask Tessa, actually. She's a California Girl who moved to the Midwest. She'll probably give me some perspective to a Sunshine Girl moving to the Godless North.
(Ohgod this is already long AND I AM ONLY EIGHT PAGES IN.)
@alliancesjr: I'm...going to have to agree with Bella about the school thing. My high school was gorgeous, and it threw me off when I first saw it.
Truth. It's designed after a university, after all, and many people passing it think it is. Very different from the grade school and junior high I went to, which looked like sanitoriums.
@alliancesjr: "I CAN DO THIS, NOBODY WAS GOING TO BITE ME". *face-ovenmitt*
(A reference to a Twitter follower who recommended I read Twilight wearing an oven mitt to help absorb the blow of all the facepalming I was inevitably going to be doing.)
@alliancesjr: OH NO A NERD IS TALKING TO ME. I AM GOING TO DIE OF EMBARASSMENT.
@alliancesjr: I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THEY -HAD- NERDS IN THE GODLESS NORTH
Okay, I have a serious problem with this. All this guy is doing is trying to be nice to the new girl, say hello, be friendly, and she describes him as having "chess club eyes" and "hair as black as an oil slick". You didn't want to stand out as the New Girl, Bella? Nothing works as well as being AS CONSPICUOUSLY BITCHY AS POSSIBLE. I wonder if they can see the Valley Girl Revulsion in her eyes as she's drawing back in horror.
No, I'm not still bitter over high school. Why do you ask?
@alliancesjr: Aaand here's Edward. I'm only remembering the painfully-shrill screams from the theater right now.
The movie probably ruined me forever; I'm imagining all of the Cullens (and pretty much everyone else) as they were on-screen. Especially Emmett. Ohgod, the only thing that ruined me more than the movie was reading Growing Up Cullen's somewhat exaggerated (though apparently not by much, according to Cleo's recaps) version of Emmett. YO BELLA WE COOKED YOU FOODS.
@alliancesjr: I think that reading this will be slightly colored from Growing Up Cullen's version of Emmett, who will always be in my head now.
@alliancesjr: She keeps describing Edward by his hair. Did she KNOW that RPattz was going to be cast? I'm curious as to her mental image while she wrote.
@alliancesjr: This would be so much easier to read if Edward put on Game Face and killed Bella right then and there.
THAT IS HOW VAMPIRES WORK. THERE IS BLOODLUST, THEY VAMP OUT, YOU DIE. Or else there's a Slayer or a local gang-related equivalent. ONE OR THE OTHER, PEOPLE.
@alliancesjr: Seriously, these words. Hate, rage, murderous intent. That's what it is. NECKS SNAPPED PER SECOND ON YOUR WAY OVER TO KILL HER, EDWARD.
(This is apparently what was on his mind during that scene, according to Cleo's Midnight Sun recap. Which is completely awesome.)
Okay, I think I can only handle this one chapter at a time before I do go mad. This'll continue...sometime later.
